Thoughts so far

In the following categories…

Language:
Just because it’s English doesn’t mean there’s isn’t a language barrier. The following is a list of phrases that have started to make their way into my vocabulary (against my strong objection):
- Heaps (We’ll have heaps of fun tonight)
- Reckon (Where do you reckon we should go tonight?)
- How you goin? (How’d you go last night?)

I also had a lengthy discussion this morning about inserting s’s where there should be z’s, and u’s and e’s where they otherwise don’t belong. For Example:

Whilst I attempted to finalise my work for the day, I began to realise that my favourite TV programme was on tonight.

Winner: USA. ‘epic,’ ‘dude,’ ‘brodeo,’… solid.

Breakfast:
No joke in in Aussie. Would you like some eggs with your heavy cream?  Perhaps a side slab of bacon? Some grilled tomahto?

Also a fan favourite: Bircher Muesli

Winner: Aussie (Brekkie sounds so much cooler than brunch anyway)


Coffee:

Starbucks vs. the world. I have now mastered the art of the coffee press, and have converted to the world of espresso based coffee.

A flat white:

 

Winner: Aussie. Long gone are the days of grande one pump skinny vanilla lattes

Pedestrian Behaviour:
This category may also be subtitled:
“Pardon me, group of Asian tourists walking 6 across slowly on a narrow sidewalk, I’d like to get by now.”

Points scored for having enough care for pedestrians to include signs like this one on street corners:

…But they’ve really got to start learning how to walk down here.  It’s like a permanent walk through an airport terminal.

Winner: USA. Perhaps having learned to drive in California has prepared me for a life of aggressive sidewalk walking.

Television:
Most popular Aussie shows that I have seen thus far include:
Home and Away
Border Security Australia’s Front Line

Other classic ‘Aussie’ gems include:
Two and a Half Men
Are you smarter than a 5th grader?
Seinfeld
The Simpsons
The Simpsons
The Simpsons

…and of course:

Winner: USA. (Birthplace of Friends, Lost, and Mad Men)

The Beach:
Chicago’s got vball, and a 5 minute walk to wells on wells.

Sydney has….a real beach. Many.

Winner: Aussie

Sumimasennn…Arigato Gozaimaaaaassu

Tokyo. Month one in the new gig and lucky enough to swing a trip for work. It’s about a 10 hour flight, and a good spot to get weird.


Author’s note: The details contained herein are true. I don’t even know if I could make this up  if I wanted to.

To avoid the pitfalls of overaggressive tourism by checklist, I made an attempt to avoid the standard go-to spots in Tokyo and instead decided on a more ‘colloquial’ approach with a few locals aka newly transplanted ex-pats. This led to: facemasks, a whole tuna, do it yourself coffee, Ninjas, Kill Bill, Japanese pancakes, karaoke and a little Ricky Martin, a failed attempt at seeing a fish market, electronics, anime, and a man dressed in a frog costume delivering an elephant filled with sake carried by a toy bear (true story).

Where to begin…

1) There are facemasks everywhere in Tokyo. I thought maybe there was something wrong with the air on the plane, but it’s just something they do there I guess. I took this picture from my phone whilst queueing through disembarkation (aka waiting in line through customs) surrounded by signs that showed a picture of a cell phone with a massive X through them. I claimed language barrier difficulties and went about my day.

2) Lunch at Google Tokyo included a whole tuna being fileted and served over rice with a side of miso soup. Delicious.  Also of note, they had a separate Gaijin lunch section that consisted of chicken with pasta & pasta sauce. I opted for the Tuna…which went fast.

3)Vending machines are everywhere. Someone told me it’s because they want to avoid human error when it comes to their orders (sugar in your coffe, for example), but not sure that’s true.  This is how your day starts in Google Tokyo:

4) Ninjas. I don’t know why, but our dinner options for night 1 were: Ninja, Vampire, or Cannibalism. We opted for the Ninja restaurant, I think because I really just wanted to say ‘Ninja Please’ in Japansese (there’s some kind of irony in there…I think).  Dinner included fire, smoke, ‘ninja magic’, and about three hours worth of random food, some shaped like ninja stars, all served with a taste of Ninja.

5) Kill Bill.  Apparently we had dinner at the same place where Kill Bill was filmed. Or the same restaurant that is part of the chain where Kill Bill was filmed. Or a restaurant that looks marginally familiar to something Japanese in Kill Bill. I’m going to go ahead and say it was option 1. Thus was born ‘The Peace Treaty’. The Peace Treaty is like a Sakebomb, without the actual submersion of the shot glass (A more peaceful version, one might say).  It’s a delicious mix of Sake & Kirin best served chugged.

Echo – Romeo – November – Echo – Sierra – Tango – Oscar

Don’t. Even. Know. Where. To. Begin. With. This. One.

Approximately 50% of Google Sydney is now well aware of my situation with the Australian Government, and their inability to assign me a Tax File Number.  Below is the policy surrounding tax file numbers, and why I am quite annoyed:

If you do not supply your tax file number to your payer within 28 days of commencing a new job, your payer must withhold 46.5%. 

Rather than explain the inefficiencies behind their current system, a series of transcripts may better serve the purpose:

Day 1 with HR:
“Hi Ernesto, Welcome to Google. You should file for a Tax File Number asap”
“Great, will do.”

…successful completion of TFN application online

“Hi, HR, is there any reason I haven’t received my tax file number yet? It’s been a week”
“That’s strange, it usually only takes a few days”
“OK, I’ll try calling & following up”

[Abridged conversations with Australian Taxation Office]:

“Hi, I’m calling about a Tax File Number application”
“What’s your name?”
“Ernesto Soriano”
“Go again?”
“E- like elephant, R- like robert, e-like elephant’
“I’m sorry, did you say e, like epple”
“Epple? No, elephant”

…28 days later, multiple iterations of same conversation, and no TFN.

“Hi, it’s been 28 days, now what?’
“Oh, now we can begin the escalation process”
“Oh great, what does that entail?”
“What’s your surname?”
[sigh]
“S- like Sam, O- like october, R- like Robert, I- like….”
“India?”
“yea, I”
“wait, I for apple?”
[shudder]

…My case has now been escalated.

“Hello, I’m calling to check on a tax file request. It was escalated last week”
“What’s your name?”
“Echo, Romeo, November, Echo, Sierra, Tango Oscar…Sierra, Oscar, Romeo, India, Alpha, November, Oscar”
“Ah, thank you sir. I see you recently called last week?”
“Yes.”
“Just so you know, it can take 28 days from when we initiate the request.”
“Um, you said I had to wait 28 days….so that I can wait another 28 days”
“Yes.”
[biting tongue aggressively]

I therefore will not be getting my full paycheck next week, and will continue to awe the people sitting next to me with the amount of daily conversations I can have spelling my name with the naval alphabet.

On a lighter note, I saw a bunch of dolphins yesterday surfing while I was on a run. They were surfing with a lone guy in the water at shark o clock. Pretty epic scene, so I guess that’ll refresh me for a bit.

Asian Food, Puppets

Midweek Update:
One thing to learn quickly is that Sydney might rival Chicago with their spring & summer festivals. With the weather just having turned for the better (dust storm gives way to rain, gives way to sun), there’s something happening every week/weekend…with no end in sight.  Endless summer, true to form.

The most recent of these happened to be the Sydney International Food Festival.

A quick note on Asian food:

- There is Thai. food. everywhere.

- Chinatown is legit. BBQ king is 30 seconds from my corporate apartment, and open ominously till late night. 

- Dim Sum isn’t dim sum. It’s called Yum Cha. Dim sum is a dumpling. Yum cha is dim sum. If this sounds dangerously like me speaking Chinese, it might be because…it’s all chinese.  Think tapas, except pushed around in baby strollers from table to table by little asian women in green aprons.  I have yet to experience this fine dining experience but have blocked off a Sunday morning in the near future to stuff face with shumai. 

Last night, post work, several of us walked over to Hyde Park to gawk at about 100 food stands of noodles & dumplings as part of Night Noodle Markets. Having already eaten more thai and asian food than when I was living at the St. Pierre household, what better way to spend a nice night in Sydney than gawking at food stands of noodles and dumplings.  The queues (lines) were, in some cases, outright ridiculous. People waiting ~30 minutes to order, then ~20 minutes for their food. [Insert comment about Australian ineffciencies here].

Some stage with dancers, whilst crowd eats noodles:

Having stuffed our bellies with pad thai, it was then time to stuff our cultural knowledge base with a little live theater.  Avenue Q is in its last week here in Sydney, so we were able to get discounted tickets.  This is like no other puppet shows I have ever seen (and I’ve only ever seen maybe one more in my life). The best way to describe it is….the things you’ve never said but have thought. Take this, add some puppets, and you’ve got Avenue Q.  The show opens with:

What do you do with a B.A. in English,
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college and plenty of knowledge,
Have earned me this useless degree.

I can’t pay the bills yet,
‘Cause I have no skills yet,
The world is a big scary place.

Which is followed by other such songs as:
It Sucks to Be Me
Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist
The Internet is For Porn
I’m Not Wearing Underwear Today

…and finally:
You Can Be as Loud as the Hell You Want (When You’re Makin’ Love)
…which, yes, portrays puppets engaged in puppet sex.

This was, without saying, awkward for the mother sitting next to us and her three kids (clearly they didn’t read beyond ‘play with puppets’), however absolutely hilarious for the rest of us.  

 

Morning Run

Not sure how long this little trend will last, but I woke up sometime around 6am and decided it was a good morning to go for a run. It’s been several, several months since I did anything that physical that early in the morning, so I’m going to go ahead and chalk it up to the honeymoon period or the novelty of living that close to the ocean. Or maybe it’s because beach season is on the way.  There’s a pretty epic path from Bondi to Coogee that I’ve read about, so good to finally get out there. For some reason I had my phone with me so took a few shots along the way. 

This was a good way to offset the effects of both karaoke & pub golf from the weekend. Beer is heavier here, and they love the fried food.

 

Google v. Hunter Valley, Hunter Valley Wins.

Pretty much the first conversation I had with my new boss went as follows:

Me: I think I can start the first week of October

My New Manager: You should fly out the week before, so you can participate in our three day cross functional offsite

Me: Sounds interesting

My New Manager: Yea, it’s three days in Wine Country

Me: Done.

Week 1, day three. Google Australia & New Zealand take over the Crowne Plaza Hunter Valley. During my pre-Sydney arrival, I was sent a Google site with details on the event. I immediately brushed off the requirement that ‘everyone bring a carnavale themed outfit’, however apparently Australia takes their costume parties very seriously…This would never happen in the US. Costume party win.

Some Googlers:

Brazilian Band:

Brazilian Dancers (+ 1 aggressive Googler):

Google Australia Marketing Team. My costume ended up being something between the riddler, and a Bonobos sponsored leprechaun. (Blonde Wig is my new boss):

Lessons Australia can learn from the US:

1) Late night should be company sponsored

2) Tequila shots are not meant to be poured into big glasses with ice in them

3) Bud light hangovers are significantly less harmful than whatever they serve down here.

This did not taste good:

Last day of the offsite, and you can feel the collective hangover in the air. Last thing to do is take a tour of wine country, which is actually quite nice:

“Very dry at the finish” — uttered with approx 2-3x/hour frequency

Note the amount of untouched wine glasses:

Sweet Google hats (No really, they’re pretty sweet):

123 Blair St., North Bondi, NSW, 2026

I live here.

Apartment hunt was actually pretty painless. Dude on my team was moving to Tokyo the week I arrived, so we made the old Google switch. Apparently it’s pretty hard to find a place to live in Sydney, let alone by the beach. So I had a chance to meet the roommates, we got along, and the place is mine. Everything’s coming up erndog.

The roommates: 3 other aussies, a guy & two girls. All good so far.

The house: pretty big, back patio and front yard. Laundry, 4, bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, new kitchen, sunroom

The location: North Bondi. 5 minute walk to the beach. Bus stops outside the house

The commute: Could suck. It’s about an hour to work via bus & train, but no complaints so far. Good people watching time (while I hide under my huge oversized sunglasses)

The room: good size, big closet, private ensuite (bathroom).

The House…123 Blair St:

View from the front:

Front Porch:

Hammock!

Entryway (Those are fish, by the way)

Kitchen:

Living room (with new plasma TV still in the box…we’ve since set it up and found the one channel that plays Friends):

My room:

Kings Cross, Paddo

Week 1, continued. Successfully made it through a dust storm, another Google offsite, and three days in Hunter Valley (more on that later). 

Had dinner with some goog folk & one of the new roommies last night, then called it quits (the result of three days in Hunter Valley). Good news is today was another awesome day in Sydney which gave way to a lot more walking…

Hyde Park:

View of the city from Hyde Park.

 The walk up to Kings Cross (Huge Coca Cola sign is apparently some historic landmark). A little about the cross:

Most Australians who have visited Sydney at one time or another have wandered through the Cross, if only for a look at how the “other half” live and play. In recent years, however, this sleezy pocket of Sydney has started to evolve, albeit ever so slowly, into a richly vibrant part of the city. The strip clubs, topless waitresses, adult bookshops and tacky nightclubs are still there, but small, trendy cafes have sprung up on the fringes of the Cross that are attracting a different type of visitor.

Kings Cross Fountain:

Found (another) outdoor market in the Cross:

Aussie Brekkie…so good.

Olive Bar:

If only Pequods existed down under…Green olives with Anchovy. Yes:

Meat Pies. Late night delicatessen I have yet to indulge in (though plan on doing so very soon):

Walk up Oxford Street to Paddo….Paddington Markets:

Light mid-afternoon Aussie snack:

Bondi Beach: Mantanks & Havaiana Flip Flops, aka thongs.

Day 1. Landed in Sydney, made it to hotel, quick shower, hop on a bus, and it’s Bondi Beach time….30 minute ride or so from the city, but worth it.  Initial thoughts:

- The commute to and from city to beach every day could suck, but worth it
- Aussie breakfast > American breakfast
- Aussies love their mantanks
- Aussies love their havaiana thongs
- It will take me some time before I am comfortable referring to anything I own as ‘thongs’
- Chapstick costs $6. wtf.  
- Coffee & Diet Coke are better down under.

Bondi markets:

For Shobin:

Skate park near south end of Bondi. Practice ground for the next Tony Hawk. This kid was maybe 4 years old, max. Killed it:

Found a place in Bondi. Dude on the team is moving to Tokyo…room all ready for me to move in. All set for the endless summer:

The Crossing…

This is the coolest plane ever.  So much so that I opted out of a nap (or at least tried to), so I could take it all in (twss).

First class, where I will not be sitting anytime soon.  I tried sneaking upstairs, unsuccessfully.

Movie #1. Yes.

Post 8 hour nap, sun starts rising.

Epic view from seat 70A

Watching the descent into Sydney from the A380 Skycam.

Final Approach.

At the gate. Begin 10 minute wait to connect jetbridge.

Ready to go back to the US…sans Ernie.